He pulled me in to sit beside him. Someone was offended and shouted something about Madonna. Based on the communication and discussion amongst others, it would seem that we were only dating, not intimately (physically) involved, yet. I was someone he kept for conversation and company at that point. To further expound on his statement concerning contrasts, with a few males an our elongated party table, he fell into a conversation about always having been fascinated with mechanics and electroplasma drums and went on and on concerning scientific and mathematics principles. He dominated conversation, hardly letting others get in a word, because he felt what he had to say was more important than anything they could contribute, and apparently also liked the sound of his own voice. However, when I would speak, he would listen, and we would have normal banter, but I kept quiet most of the time and actually enjoyed hearing his intriguing rants.

Why I wrote about this dream… Well, for starters, I have no interest in Dennis Rodman and never have; so, the most important thing was that the “electroplasma” statement left a mental impression, including the lecture following, concerning rate of propulsion and the velocity of sound. Also, I liked his gestures and way of relating his interest in opposite forces coming together to create a complementary and harmonious relationship. I would say that I was quite taken by the person in my dreams. He’s funny, charming, charismatic, clever, creative, and intellectual, as well as a man who knows what he wants, unable to be persuaded by others once he is firm in his decision. Such as, how he dealt with the attractive females hitting on him by laughing and sometimes making flirtatious responses, yet still keeping me at his side and wanting them to see that.

So, why Dennis Rodman, eh? Haven’t thought of him or read about him or seen any media with him since watching Double Team several years ago. I’m not a sports fan or gossip-hound. Maybe he was the most outlandish high-profile character I could think of, and my brain was compiling the personality characteristics of my ideal guy. Wild and free, liberal but with some conservative values, and fascinating on many levels. As far as race goes, I’m into a more ethnic variety; he is a bit “too American” for me, and I’ll never discard my fondness for Asians, but it’s doubtful that one with these qualities will ever cross my path.

There wasn’t much of a story to this one, though they usually have very complex plots that may leave me describing them from start to finish for hours, as if I lived these surreal landscapes. I can remember more details from my dreams than of my daily life — in my head discovering truths, while my waking state being random, meaningless filler — walking around in a haze, never fully conscious, feeling doped, light-headed, floating, seemingly unable to feel the sensation as I touch objects, their buoyancy in never actually coming in full contact with anything visual to the eye — everything seems featherweight, including myself.

Onto the dream…

As the antagonist was a shape-shifting demon that could take the form of anyone. He exposed to me his true, hideous flesh, but others were fooled by his charm. He would interact with them as they believed him to be the ideal in perfection, exactly what each individual would want or aspire to become. My dream switched from first to third person throughout, however they usually play-out like movies where I am the air, an unobtrusive observer. I feared him, though had no choice but to live in his company. Before he had shown me his actual self and his shifting abilities, I was never pulled into his charms and felt ill at ease when he was around. But others would have me doubting my sanity if I was to voice my discomfort. Because he knew that I suspected his deceit, he decided to use that position to amplify the fear within me. This was someone who could torture and kill you and have it appear as a suicide. He could have anyone believe anything he wanted, the embodiment of active hypnosis.

One night, he came into my room so quietly that I was unaware of his presence until he covered my mouth with his hand. He began to morph, his skin and form altering, cycling through different personas, all of which were people who played roles of background characters, ones whom I had seen but never knew at any depth past a possible hello or passing on the street. As my eyes were filled in horror and my body wriggled to pull myself from beneath him, he finally halted his transformation, becoming a giant body of rotted, scarred, burnt flesh, the consistency of muscle and internal organs with deformed calcifications jutting from everywhere, including his mauled, over-sized head. When he spoke, his voice seemed to be dissonant harmony of three scales.

In a terse but elegant way, he basically informed me that he could do as he pleases and get away with it. Then he placed his selected memories into my mind so that I could see the atrocities he has inflicted upon those in the past who have challenged him and a few events that came about just for sheer pleasure. I was to be his next victim. He let out a smirk and glided his hand across my cheek with nails of sharp, black, elongated talons that nearly pierced my flesh. Against my thigh, I could feel spines breaking the skin and releasing blood. His phallus was dense, tumorous tissue with a vertebrae underbelly and spikes extending from the organ like a pin cushion. To get an additional jolt from me, he then changed the fingers of the hand, that he had just used to caress my face, into shiny, tapered, steel, conical spikes, at least a foot in length, smiled, and converted his hand back into human form that he then speared inside of me. Slowly, parts of his body began to morph back into that of a man.

He let me know that I must do as he bids, because it is his game to play, then left. A few minutes later, he sent in someone who was a close friend, having convinced him that I wanted to have sex. He wasn’t forceful or aggressive but very eager and unknowing of the manipulation. When I had composed myself enough, though still frantic, to explain and describe what had just taken place, before my lips could even mouth the words, the demon’s voice was inside my head; he could hear my thoughts and threatened any actions to oppose him and informed me that he would be showering before returning and to do as requested. So, my friend, happy and talkative, declothed and proceeded to undress me of my nightie and panties. I looked away, blankly staring at the window, too fearful to fight and numb to cry. I was to enjoy it, but couldn’t fake that, until I started to think of him returning. Time had passed, and he would be finished with his shower soon, so I decided that if he were to walk in on the throes of passion, perhaps this would fill him with rage, whether it be jealousy and possessiveness, a self-hatred of the inability to feel happiness, or that he wasn’t able to control the situation as his intent was to psychologically break me. I attempted to focus on the love for my friend which allowed me to release the pain and enjoy my experience with him.

Once the demon could feel that my mood had changed from fear and panic, it wasn’t too long after that he entered the room, pulled my friend from beneath me, flung him against the opposite wall with such strength that it left him unconscious, and grabbed me by the neck, dragging my body into a vertical position, as I turned purple, struggling to be set free but never lowering my eyes from his, obstinate. My eyes were red, spittle streaming from the corners of my mouth. He released me knowing that if he were to kill me now, I would have won. So, he walked over to my friend lying limp upon the floor and began to transform into his hideous self as he started to regain consciousness. The wind had been knocked out of him, so the horror on his face couldn’t muster a scream. The demon stabbed his fist into my friend’s stomach and angled his forearm upward into his throat, picking him up like a puppet. They began to meld. My friend was devoured, digested like nutrients, nothing left to spare. Then the demon changed into the form of my friend while laughing, his voice progressively altering as he shifted.

I had pulled a sheet over myself and reached for my clothes, trying to put them and run out the door before he could approach, but as I rolled on the bed to pull myself up and away, he yanked at my legs, bringing me horizontal. He looked like my friend as spoke as him, but he wasn’t. His eyes were dead, and his words were filled with hate and aggression. The demon let me know that he consumed him, became him, because that’s what I wanted, wasn’t it? I fought, violently trying to break free of his grasp, squeezing my forearms. He laughed as I squirmed; it was all a game. His body between my legs, his tongue infecting the skin of my face. There was pain and blood as he ravished me, then flipping me over to take me like a beast, pulling back on my hair, making it even harder to breathe between the cries. He freed on hand and placed it around my neck, morphing it into the familiar demon form, talons pressing into my flesh. He would switch from speaking the words of my friend in playful jest to threats in his demonic voice — telling me how much I enjoyed it with him.

This went on for what seemed to be hours of torture. My sheets were soaked in blood, tears, and other fluids. After finishing, he changed back to the charming man that everyone adored and exited the room, leaving me to sleep. He was still inside my head all night making appearances and commenting on my thoughts of vengeance and escape with his threats and laughter. I felt helpless to leave. No one could believe such impossible things, and I wouldn’t be allowed to speak of them even if I tried. I was scared into following my daily routine as if nothing had happened. Everyday I would face him on the street, at home, in my thoughts. I was now his slave.

The next day, coming home in the evening, I was met with a family dinner, which I declined on the basis of feeling ill as I retreated upstairs. He started to make sly comments to my family suggesting that we had been having a relationship for quite some time and yesterday was our first fight, that I hadn’t quite gotten over yet. They laughed in a jovial way and expressed their surprise and joy in finding out that we were involved. He called me honey and arose from the dinner table, heading toward me, while recounting to my family the fictitious story of our first date many months ago. My energy was low as I had been severely damaged from the night before, so increasing my pace up the steps wasn’t a manageable task. I was only a quarter of the way up when he reached my position. From the time he started over toward me, he was speaking to me telepathically while he carried on conversation with them. As he touched me, I heard his words to them state how aggressively forward I was with him at the end of the date.

I was unable to speak. He encircled me on the steps, stopping me in my tracks. His voice was very playful. Then I began to hear him describe details of me having unzipped his pants, taken off my clothes, performed fellatio, sat on his lap, straddling him, and then turned around to ride him. These were the words I heard, and as they came out, my actions weren’t my own. I acted out his descriptive narrative on the middle of the open staircase, seemingly enraptured, while my family watched astounded, disgusted, repulsed, and angered by my actions. Though I heard what I did, these were not the words he actually spoke. He had me humiliate myself in front of them, and I was unable to stop. I was his puppet. He broke me.

This is when I awoke from the dream. Welcome to my nightmare. What I learned from this experience is that I should probably avoid eating great amounts of pizza before going to bed, even if it only ends up being less than a three hour nap.

You were my closest confidant, the person that helped mend wounds by taking on the burden of my pain. I have lost you… no longer my best friend. We have become estranged. Can anyone replace the position you held in my life? Stubbornly I’ve clenched onto hope, rather than seeking applicants and conducting interviews.

In cinema, this is a typical tale… friends who have drifted apart or shared a single event which has caused them the isolation of splitting from a combined unit, back into two separate entities; one, able to move forward, forming new attachments, and the other, falling behind, dwelling in despair, mentally revisiting the moment that instigated their parting of ways and harboring a longing to embrace the perfection of what once was; no matter the flawed reality of the previous moments in time, when mixing memory with sorrow, everything arrives painted in black or white.

I’m the one who can’t move on, finding myself frequenting momentary denial, having forgotten, wanting to run to you out of habit, as if nothing has changed, but halting just shy, when it all comes flooding back… seeing you smiling and laughing with others, people unfamiliar to me, your new family. And I stand alone and cold at the corner, peering through the window… walking across the street, making the move to distance myself, though periodically glancing back, hoping that you will see me, but they engage your full attention. Our lives are separate now. Our worlds have divided. Mine is empty, yours overflowing.

I enter a coffee shoppe and sit at a table, away from all others, unable to divert my eyes from your direction, focused, watching your lips move, attempting to decipher your words, imagining that I’m on the receiving end of the conversation, but the traffic passes between us, and I can only catch partial formations. Though squinting, concentrating, your sentences become unintelligible. I am unable to fill in the holes, like the excavation in my heart. And further you slip away, as I go on missing the past and fearing the future… without you.

Wish things were different… but they are, because nothing stays the same.

1. Aeon Flux (16/16)
2. Batman: The Animated Series (80/109)
3. Batman Beyond (52/52)
4. Beetlejuice (33/109)
5. Captain N The Game Master (26/34)
6. DuckTales (100/100)
7. Dungeons and Dragons (27/27)
8. He-man and the Masters of the Universe (18/130)
9. Herculoids (47/47)
10. Jem and the Holograms (65/65)
11. Muppet Babies (21/107)
12. Phantom 2040 (35/35)
13. Reboot (47/47)
14. Scooby Doo, Where Are You! (25/25)
15. Silverhawks (65/65)
16. Spicy City (6/6)
17. Spider-Man: The Animated Series (65/65)
18. Super Mario Bros. 3 (26/26)
19. Super Mario World (13/13)
20. Swamp Thing (5/5)
21. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (124/194)
22. The Legend of Zelda (13/13)
23. The Maxx (13/13)
24. The Pirates of Dark Water (21/21)
25. The Real Ghostbusters (82/140)
26. The Silver Surfer (13/13)
27. Thundarr (21/21)
28. Thundercats (100/130)
29. X-Men: The Animated Series (76/76)
30. Conan the Adventurer (0/64)
31. Fantastic Four (0/26)
32. Gummi Bears (0/95)
33. Iron Man (0/26)
34. Justice League (0/52)
35. Justice League Unlimited (0/39)
36. Peter Pan and the Pirates (0/65)
37. Super Friends: The Legendary Super Powers Show (0/16)
38. Superman: The Animated Series (0/54)
39. TaleSpin (0/65)
40. The Incredible Hulk (0/21)
41. What’s New, Scooby Doo? (0/42)

FILM/OVA
1. [divx] 3×3 Eyes (4/4)
2. [divx] 3×3 Eyes: Seima Densetsu (3/3)
3. [divx] Adolescence of Utena
4. [divx] Angel Cop (6/6)
5. [divx] Angel’s Egg
6. [divx] Blue Seed Beyond (3/3)
7. [divx] Fatal Fury
8. [divx] Fist of the North Star
9. [divx] Galaxy Railways (4/4)
10. [divx] Gunnm: Rusty Angel/Tears Sign
11. [divx] Le Portrait de Petite Cossette (3/3)
12. [divx] Memories
13. [divx] Pet Shop of Horrors (4/4)
14. [divx] Record of Lodoss War (13/13)
15. [divx] Spirited Away
16. [divx] The Girl Who Leapt Through Time
17. [divx] The Heroic Legend of Arslan (6/6)
18. [divx] Vexille
19. [divx] Wonderful Days
20. [divx] Wrath of the Ninja
21. [divx] Video Girl Ai (6/6)
22. [divx] Barefoot Gen
23. [divx] Barefood Gen II
24. [divx] Galaxy Express 999
25. [divx] Adieu Galaxy Express 999
26. [divx] Galaxy Express: Eternal Fantasy
27. [divx] Interstella 5555: The 5tory of the 5ecret 5tar 5ystem
28. [divx] Mermaid’s Forest
29. [divx] Mermaid’s Scar
30. [divx] Fire Tripper
31. [divx] Maris the Choujo
32. [divx] The Laughing Target





33. [dvd] Armitage: Dual-Matrix
34. [dvd] Escaflowne: The Movie
35. [dvd] Jin-Roh: The Wolf Brigade
36. [dvd] Paprika
37. [dvd] Perfect Blue
38. [dvd] Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust





39. [dvd-r] Akira
40. [dvd-r] Amon Saga
41. [dvd-r] Ark
42. [dvd-r] Birdy the Mighty (4/4)
43. [dvd-r] Black Jack: The Movie
44. [dvd-r] Blood: The Last Vampire
45. [dvd-r] Blood Reign: Curse of the Yoma
46. [dvd-r] Blue Submarine No. 6 (4/4)
47. [dvd-r] Bubblegum Crisis (8/8)
48. [dvd-r] Casshan: Robot Hunter (4/4)
49. [dvd-r] Crying Freeman (6/6)
50. [dvd-r] Darkside Blues
51. [dvd-r] Demon City Shinjuku
52. [dvd-r] Doomed Megalopolis (4/4)
53. [dvd-r] Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within
54. [dvd-r] Final Fantasy VII
55. [dvd-r] Hellsing Ultimate (6/6)
56. [dvd-r] Kakurenbo: Hide & Seek
57. [dvd-r] Karas
58. [dvd-r] Metropolis
59. [dvd-r] Ninja Scroll
60. [dvd-r] Record of Lodoss War (13/13)
61. [dvd-r] Shuten Doji (4/4)
62. [dvd-r] Sin: The Movie
63. [dvd-r] Spriggan
64. [dvd-r] Steamboy
65. [dvd-r] The Sky Crawlers
66. [dvd-r] Twilight of the Dark Master
67. [dvd-r] Vampire Hunter D
68. [dvd-r] WXIII: Patlabor the Movie 3
69. [dvd-r] Wrath of the Ninja
70. [dvd-r] X
71. [dvd-r] Zaion: I Wish You Were Here (4/4)
72. [dvd-r] Appleseed (2004)
73. [dvd-r] Ghost in the Shell
74. [dvd-r] Ghost in the Shell 2: Innocence
75. [dvd-r] New Dominion Tank Police
76. [dvd-r] Millenium Actress
77. [dvd-r] Tokyo Godfathers
78. [dvd-r] Interstella 5555: The 5tory of the 5ecret 5tar 5ystem
79. [dvd-r] Maetel Legend
80. [dvd-r] Queen Emeraldas
81. [dvd-r] Castle in the Sky
82. [dvd-r] Grave of the Fireflies
83. [dvd-r] Howl’s Moving Castle
84. [dvd-r] My Neighbor Totoro
85. [dvd-r] Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind
86. [dvd-r] Pom Poko
87. [dvd-r] The Cat Returns
88. [dvd-r] Whisper of the Heart
89. [dvd-r] Project A-ko
90. [dvd-r] Project A-ko 2: Plot of the Daitokuji Finacial Group
91. [dvd-r] Project A-ko 3: Cinderella Rhapsody
92. [dvd-r] Project A-ko 4: FINAL
93. [dvd-r] Project A-ko: Grey Side/Blue Side (2/2)

Trade-In/Sold
1. [360] Condemned
2. [360] Condemned 2
3. [360] Dance Dance Revolution: Universe
4. [360] Devil May Cry 4
5. [360] Overlord
6. [360] Perfect Dark Zero
7. [360] Prey
8. [360] Rock Band
9. [360] Silent Hill: Homecoming
10. [360] The Darkness
11. [PS3] Damnation
12. [PS3] Fallout 3
13. [PS3] Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe
14. [PS3] Resident Evil 5
15. [PS3] The Ghostbusters
16. [PS3] Tomb Raider: Underworld

Seems that this show is most enjoyed by those who are geeks, understanding and/or identifying with the situations presented during each episode. The series is ABOUT them, not one or two supplementary characters used as comic relief. It isn’t a “laugh-at-the-geek” sitcom…It’s an “embrace your inner-nerd and protest against mainstream trends” social commentary. I have to say, though, they definitely hop on the bandwagon when it comes to fads associated with geekdom. But case in point, this actually makes it feel more authentic, rather than presenting an amplification. Many geeks whom I have had the distinct pleasure in knowing are quite the eccentrics, displaying a childlike and almost cartoonish character, which I absolutely adore. There’s nothing better than theatrics.

I’m definitely going to be recommending this series to my Aspie cohorts. If they can’t laugh at this, then they can’t be at ease with themselves. Embrace your identity, no matter how peculiar and against the grain. Be It. Live it. Love it! Hit life with a Big BANG!